<skrrrt><skrrrt> Is this thing working? <SQUEAL> Ow! I guess so. All right, then. <ahem> Good morning, students, and welcome back to another year at Rowan Glenn Academy. We hope you've had an enjoyable break, and would like to take this opportunity to remind you of a few simple rules we have that will make life easier for everyone here at school.

  1. When you are in the library, do not attempt to find the Library. We will have to hire a Librarian to find you, which is not covered under your school subscription.
  2. The restricted section of the library is restricted for a reason. Do not attempt to read any of the books there without a teacher or librarian supervising you.
  3. Items of Power must be checked with the office upon arrival. We will return them as needed for classes, and when you leave for the day.
  4. By now, you should all know how to read without mouthing the words or saying them aloud. Do so. We still haven't found Timmy Elfinger.
  5. No summoning of demons on school grounds, unless under the direct supervision of a teacher, for a specific class project. And that includes you kittens. On that note, we have a message from a Mr. Krelpaz, reminding us that summoning someone, just so you can shred him, is downright rude. As well, I would like to remind you that doing so violates the zero aggression principle.
  6. No holy wars on school grounds. This includes religious, political, and operating system.
  7. Mr. MacManus would like to remind you all that you can not hack into him and change your grades. He welcomes you to try, if you think you're good enough, but he advises that if you do, you should use a computer cheap enough that your parents can afford to replace it before the next school day.
  8. All class projects must be approved, in advance, by your teacher. Any which do not conform to the zero aggression principle will be disapproved.
  9. The King In Yellow is not, has never been, and will never be, approved for performance in this school, in any form whatsoever.
  10. Our testing staff informs me that the wards on the testing rooms have been updated for the new year, and include a number of nasty surprises for anyone who attempts to cheat. So, just don't try.
  11. On the subject of testing, anyone who wishes to take dragon level classes must score a minimum of 2800 on the placement test. Your MacManuses are not allowed to assist you on those tests, so you may as well just take a cheap scientific calculator.
  12. If you have a non-furry form, please remember to be in that form when using the school swimming pool. Our maintenance staff will thank you.
  13. Alchemy and Chemistry are different subjects, and use different laboratories. Please remember to use the appropriate laboratory.
  14. Remember, the zero aggression principle includes bullying, threats, and swirlies.
  15. If you have special dietary, life support, or medical requirements, please be sure to update your information with the school nurse.
  16. Each class has required equipment, whether it is pencils or EOD suits. Use the equipment necessary for your class.
  17. When your experiment is about to explode, warn your classmates. "Oh shit" is not an adequate warning.
  18. If your translator is having trouble with English, Mr. MacManus will examine it and make necessary adjustments. Remember, for those who are equipped for human speech, English is the school's language of choice, and is to be used everywhere except in language classes.
  19. Demonic and magical languages are to be studied only in the warded classrooms. All associated materials will remain in the classrooms.
  20. The school is shielded against network access. Don't bother trying. Within the school, your computer is for class work, not gaming.
  21. The rifle and pistol ranges are certified for lead-based ammunition only. By the same token, the archery range is only certified for field points.
  22. First violations of the zero aggression principle will result in detention. Additional violations will result in termination of your subscription.
  23. Unexcused absences and tardies will be made up in detention.
  24. Any student who is late for school for any reason other than an unforeseen family emergency will be considered tardy.
  25. Students who are assigned detention will be barred from the next dance and the next athletic event.

The basketball team will be conducting tryouts on Wednesday, in the gym, at 5:00.

The swim team will be conducting tryouts on Saturday, in the pool, at 10:00.

There will be a moopsball exhibition in the Arboretum this weekend, running from 5:00 Friday until 5:00 Sunday. The organizers have requested that anyone under 14 attend only with a parent.

Student clubs will be exhibiting in the auditorium next week. Take this opportunity to discover and take part in the clubs we have at the Academy.

There will be a Parents Night on the 23rd. Emails have already been sent, so now is a good time to make a good impression on your teachers.

The first football game of the season will be next Friday, against the Dirac Bay Pirates. There will be a group leaving for the game at 6:30, at Elevator Fifteen. Sign-up list will be in the office as of this morning.

We would like to welcome Mr. Evans to the school. He will be taking the place of Mr. Wilson, who is undertaking a tutoring job in Tycho City.

Oh yes, for those of you who are new here, the girl's bathroom in Blue Corridor is haunted, but she's friendly, so there's nothing to worry about. If you'd like to be friends, her name is Paula. Attempts to evict her will be seen as aggression. And she is very capable of dealing with aggressors.

What's this? Oh? Do I have....Oh, all right. <ahem> Lunch today will be...let me see if I can read this....The standard menu for air breathers is Meat loaf or roast beef, green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, with cherry cobbler for dessert. For water breathers, the menu is your choice of herring or clams, with nori, wakame, or hijiki, and candied sea cucumber. For those who have to hunt their lunch, an enclosure, with pool, is available next to the cafeteria. There's a footnote here...someone stole the shipment of blue Jello? The cafeteria staff is offering a reward to anyone who can help them recover it.